Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
