So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
