when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
