Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
