will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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