We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
