I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
