Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
