What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
