I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize