I faked an abortion last night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
