Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
