you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
