Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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