Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You smell like stripper and shame
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
