Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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