And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
