Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
