we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
