Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
