she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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