Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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