Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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