I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
