I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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