Duck Duck Cougar?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
this is an emotional support booty call
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
