everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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