I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry about my life...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
