Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
