Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
