You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
