The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
