Got a toothbrush?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
