We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
