That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
