I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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