I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
