Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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