I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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