I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Less talking, more tequila
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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