this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
