we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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