my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
