Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
