i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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