I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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