Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Come on in and take your pants off
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