She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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