you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want nice things and good sex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize