if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
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