I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
