I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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