please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
