new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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