One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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