I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This toilet bowl is my home.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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