If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
