I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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