I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
