I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
