She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize