I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
