I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have so many feelings about this burrito
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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