get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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