i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize