i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
