I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize