the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
