Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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